Halloween Madness

Hi Flakes!! I am sooo excited!! Why? I'm hosting my first Halloween party. I could either be very much amazing or on the contrary, so lame lol. But I think it's going to be great! I'm organizing it with one of my best friends, Food Flake, so of course there's going to be a lot of cool DIY's and of course lots of snacks!

One problem however...oh really just one. I can't figure out who I most want to see at my party. Canary Flake or Twin Flake. I know it's stupid because I could want to see them both, but the last few days I've been talking a lot to Twin Flake, and I really like it! But hey, it could just be friendly!

I have always had a hard time distinguishing those two things. I never really know if for a guy I have strong friendly feelings or more. So it's very frustrating. I know I've made the mistake of telling Canary Flake about my feelings the first time I thought I had feelings for his twin brother...So now every time I get closer to his twin he freaks out. Also, Twin Flake has been making awful jokes that Canary Flake believes...which is just stupid, and also sometimes under the table I just touch Twin Flake's foot by accident, and so I tell him sorry. My boyfriend really doesn't like the whole foot thing. However, at the same time, it's kind of my fault that Canary Flake acts the way that he does. If I had never told him of maybe having feelings for his brother, everything would be okay now...

See, when I'm writing this, the only thing I feel like saying is that if I had kept my mouth shut that now I could spend more time with Twin Flake, without Canary Flake thinking that something weird was going on...but even re-reading myself saying that, it's just awful. I want to be loyal to by boyfriend, but at the same time, it shouldn't be something that you want, it should only be something that you do, without even thinking twice about it.That's not exactly what I'm doing now.

I have always had a tendency to ruin the good things in my life, so how am I supposed to know that's it's not just me doing exactly that? I'm asking myself, is it that or am I simply not enough in love anymore? Writing this I feel tears in my eyes... Am I hoping that's not it? I feel safe with Canary Flake, but I guess that I just at a point that I don't know anymore if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I could, but is that really what I want? I...I don't even know what to say anymore! Please help me Flakes!

In my next post I'll tell you some random awkward and funny moments I had with Twin Flake!

Countdown to my Halloween party : 2 nights!!

Determined Flake :)